Prime Cut Grill – San Marcos, CA

When we heard about a new restaurant just over the hill from work that had $5 burgers we knew we had to check it out.  It was instantly moved to the front of the review queue because Greg Loser, Loser Greg, Loser was the first loser of the football bet and had to pay.  It must also be noted when talking about the football pool that Caitlyn is winning hands down over everyone even though she doesn’t watch football and can only name one Chargers player.

Prime cut is a sport bar type restaurant that obviously caters to the college crowd with Cal State being across the street.  Remember that hamburger that you used to get from the old smelly lady with a hairnet in Jr. High that had an old crusty bun and flavorless meat? Yeah, that’s this place.

On this review, we decided to bring a resident college student, Alisha Lamson.  Her name may sound familiar because she is the unfortunate spawn of Greg Lamson, UBR founder.  We must point out that she takes after her mother in looks and was not cursed with a head of brillow pad hair.  It is surprising that she agreed to come as the last time she dined with us, Troy informed her that her little brother was conceived in a tent while she was sleeping next to her parents, nice work Troy.

The only detail about the boring food that is worth noting was the fun game they played called onion and cheese lottery.  There was random placement of both toppings on people’s burgers when we all ordered the same thing.  That is about the only thing we can remember as Caitlyn, after giving herself a promotion to VP of Marketing for UBR, couldn’t even remember to bring the official rating clipboard leaving us to wonder why we even buy her burgers in the first place.  By the way, how’s that website update coming along Miss VP???

Mike was willing to overlook the crappy food because it was served by a waitress with the perfect level of “jigglyness” on the top deck. Honestly, we were surprised that he didn’t use his signature line and ask her if she “wanted to be on the internets.”  She also tried to make Troy feel better about himself by giving many courtesy laughs for his stupid jokes, actually, she might have just been laughing AT him.

Our crappy meal reminded Mike to check out the crapper for a cleanliness review.  It scored an instant 1 with the toilet being completely clogged.  The perp may have been Greg as he has been known to have large clogging explosions in public places including AM/PM while his family, including Alisha, has had to wait outside in the car.

Prime Cut Grill is anything but Prime, unless what you long for is a trip down memory lane to the last time you were in a school cafeteria or hospitalized, where at least the person serving it is jiggly in an entirely different way.

Prep Kitchen – Del Mar, CA

For this burger review, the UBR staff headed down to Old Del Mar to attend a final California burger review with Chuck “Dog Biscuit” Huston.  Chuck, Hunter’s previous VP of Sales and Marketing, has and continues to be mentor for the entire UBR staff as well as many others within the industry. Not the cheeseburger review industry, the sprinkler industry, where we all still hold real paying jobs which of course we’ll abandon once we have enough fuel for the official UBR Gulfstream 5 jet.

Since we did not have the UBR cop car, Chuck insisted that we walk down to the restaurant as he didn’t want to ride in Mike’s Explorer, because Chuck is a man of class.  As you may have already guessed, this began a tireless session of whining by Mike because he had to walk a whole four blocks…….downhill.

Prep Kitchen is located on a street corner in Old Del Mar on Pacific Coast Highway.  We opted to sit on the patio which provided partial ocean views.  The setting, ambience, and weather could not have been better.  It was the perfect location to have laughs and regale of times past with Chuck, Judy Netteland, and Pat Sullivan (another retired veteran survivor of the sprinkler wars).

When it came to the actual burger, our expectations were high and did not come close to being met.  The mediocre meat puck, although edible, was nothing special.  After waiting for over 30 minutes for our food, we were thinking it would come out presented with origami French fries…..or at least a friggen’ pickle. Maybe the pickles were what Troy saw the cook eating in the kitchen in plain view while we were waiting for the food.  I guess he was too hungry to cook our food before his.

However, even the lame service of an even lamer burger did not even have a chance in overshadowing the great day we enjoyed with great company.  The UBR staff is looking forward to future review with Chuck in Texas. Godspeed Dog Biscuit.