Prime Cut Grill – San Marcos, CA

When we heard about a new restaurant just over the hill from work that had $5 burgers we knew we had to check it out.  It was instantly moved to the front of the review queue because Greg Loser, Loser Greg, Loser was the first loser of the football bet and had to pay.  It must also be noted when talking about the football pool that Caitlyn is winning hands down over everyone even though she doesn’t watch football and can only name one Chargers player.

Prime cut is a sport bar type restaurant that obviously caters to the college crowd with Cal State being across the street.  Remember that hamburger that you used to get from the old smelly lady with a hairnet in Jr. High that had an old crusty bun and flavorless meat? Yeah, that’s this place.

On this review, we decided to bring a resident college student, Alisha Lamson.  Her name may sound familiar because she is the unfortunate spawn of Greg Lamson, UBR founder.  We must point out that she takes after her mother in looks and was not cursed with a head of brillow pad hair.  It is surprising that she agreed to come as the last time she dined with us, Troy informed her that her little brother was conceived in a tent while she was sleeping next to her parents, nice work Troy.

The only detail about the boring food that is worth noting was the fun game they played called onion and cheese lottery.  There was random placement of both toppings on people’s burgers when we all ordered the same thing.  That is about the only thing we can remember as Caitlyn, after giving herself a promotion to VP of Marketing for UBR, couldn’t even remember to bring the official rating clipboard leaving us to wonder why we even buy her burgers in the first place.  By the way, how’s that website update coming along Miss VP???

Mike was willing to overlook the crappy food because it was served by a waitress with the perfect level of “jigglyness” on the top deck. Honestly, we were surprised that he didn’t use his signature line and ask her if she “wanted to be on the internets.”  She also tried to make Troy feel better about himself by giving many courtesy laughs for his stupid jokes, actually, she might have just been laughing AT him.

Our crappy meal reminded Mike to check out the crapper for a cleanliness review.  It scored an instant 1 with the toilet being completely clogged.  The perp may have been Greg as he has been known to have large clogging explosions in public places including AM/PM while his family, including Alisha, has had to wait outside in the car.

Prime Cut Grill is anything but Prime, unless what you long for is a trip down memory lane to the last time you were in a school cafeteria or hospitalized, where at least the person serving it is jiggly in an entirely different way.

Back Alley Grill, San Marcos, CA

Back Alley Burger

For this review the UBR staff visited the Back Alley Grill in San Marcos based on a recommendation by one of our many fans from around the world..  We were joined by Laurel Madden, our guest reviewer for the day. The Back Alley Grill has a relaxing feel by nature with a nice patio, propped open windows, and a general Pacific island motif. However it’s located directly behind a dog kennel business which added a hint of, let’s just say, flora, to our burger dining experience. And we had plenty of time to savor that aroma, as our meal took forever to cook.  But at least our server had all the qualities that we like when we are served a burger. She was nice, cute-ish, and attentive with a side of tats and butt crack. The burgers were surprisingly served on toasted sourdough bread. Our first thought was ‘epic structural integrity fail during consumption’, but they held up very well.  It was also tough to rate the burger-to-bun (in this case burger-to-toast) ratio. It took 3 bites of toast to finally get to the meat.  The burger earned a 2.87 on the UBR rating. The demerits include the chopped lettuce topping that, once you flipped the toasted lid over, scattered around your plate, your lap or most anywhere but on the intended target.  Not to mention, the lettuce itself clearly showed signs of an expired shelf-life. Additionally, the burgers were overcooked into a dry, well done, meat lump. At least the lack of juice/grease favored a positive post burger experience.  Clearly, the best part of this meal was the fries, which earned a 4.74 on the UBR scale.  They are, arguably, the best fires we have reviewed to date. These folks know how select a fry type and how to cook them to near-perfection! The overall restaurant rating was a 3.3 on the UBR scale.  The Back Alley Grill was a very ‘average’ (and aromatic) burger experience.

Back Alley Decor

Back Alley Reviewers

Bj’s – Carlsbad, CA

While the name Bj’s sounded great, the burger tasted not so great. The UBR crew was, yet again, (somewhat) disappointed with another chain restaurant’s mediocre burger offering. The main problem (and it’s kind of a big one) was that the meat was flavorless and the ‘medium’ burger was well over cooked (though the medium-rare was perfect). They offered two types of fries (included in the price I may add); shoe string and seasoned wedge cut, and the UBR staff vastly preferred the shoe string. One fairly big negative pointed out by our guest reviewer (John “Meathead” Comito), was that the menus were disgusting and smegged up… Fail! However, for the times that you are looking for something else, like a great Belgian beer on draft or pizza (or even a burger for the more undiscerning), then hook it up at BJ’s. They have a great layout; plenty of TV’s and a cool staff (our waitress couldn’t have been better)!   Bj’s earned a respectable 3 stars out 5.

Good Presentation!