Sonic Burger – San Marcos, CA

The UBR staff has long been awaiting the grand opening of Sonic Burger in San Marcos.  Of course the timing was perfect because it was Greg’s turn to buy, because he was a big stupid loser, and also it gave the cheap whiner the opportunity to use a coupon he has been holding on to for over two years. For this review, we invited Amanda (a.k.a. Poops) to be our official guest reviewer. Sadly, Poops may have flushed her chances for any future reviews.  The highly coveted UBR Associate level potential may have swirled right down the toilet.  This is all because she failed to do her homework of studying past reviews and she also lacked the ability to provide us a mobile burger review app for free.

Sonic’s format is unique in the fact that you have three serving choices.  You can go through the drive through, pull up to the mini squawk box and eat in your car, or eat outside and order from one of several land-based giant squawk boxes.  The multitude of choices caused a serious dilemma with Mike who had to circle the parking lot to figure it all out. It was like being in a burger round-a-bout. The center of the grounds consists of a building that resembles a bank with tinted windows and a door with an ‘employee’s only ‘ sign that servers on skates would come bursting through.  This is a bit disturbing as you don’t get the opportunity to see your food being cooked. For all we know the roller skate servers are bringing us repurposed feral cat burgers.

The excitement for our burgers was quickly stalled when we decided to try and place our order through, what can most easily be described as walk up ATMs with a Siri that has the mental capacity of a six year old. And when you pair a burger-image-covered talking ATM with Meatsack Mike, the confusion was near instantaneous.  All we wanted was a few lousy burgers.  After about ten minutes of agony and numerous confirmations of our order, we were pretty confident we had success.

After finding a picnic table on the front patio, our roller skate server quickly arrived with our food, greeted us with a smile, and gave great service.  But even after all the inane dialog with the ‘ATM’, the order was wrong. This made us wonder, why couldn’t we have just placed our order with our roller girl?  As we ate, there were roller skaters zipping all over the place demonstrating their mad rolling skills. Of course this instantly gave Troy the idea of returning next time with a sack of pebbles to scatter around to provide entertaining carnage as we dined.

But enough of the fun and games…we know you are dying to find out what we thought of the food! Well, our loyal burger fans, the burger rated a strong 3 out of 5.  Not that that’s a bad thing. The UBR staff is tough and a 3 is a “meets expectations.” However, it needs to be pointed out they did have a 4 in the very important “beef quality and flavor” category.  And the fries?  They were pretty good too. But, by far, the most impressive thing was the tater tots! Yeah! TATER TOTS!!! Tater tots cooked to delicious perfection none the less!  Unfortunately, believe it or not, Sonic had a near complete fail in the portion category that dragged the score down to a 2.  It was more along the lines of what you would expect from a stupid kids meal. Have you seen Mike? You can’t give that giant Meatsack a kiddie portion and expect a smile. That boy could stuff a train load down his gullet if he wanted.

So, suffice it to say, Sonic was a bit of a disappointment. But we’d like to extend a special thanks to Poops for partaking in our most recent quest for the Ultimate Burger.  And you’ll be glad to know that she gave the ‘Post Burger Experience’ rating a nice ‘solid’ 4 out of 5 stars.

Fatburger – Escondido, CA

Fat Burger

For this review the Ultimate Burger Review staff made their way over to Fatburger in Escondido with guest reviewer Jon Truttmann. Fatburger is a fast-ish burger chain that started in the fifties and they tout fresh ingredients, real ice cream shakes and made to order deliciousness. Sounds a little like In & Out doesn’t it? While there are some similarities you will typically find Fatburger in a strip mall and they spin their burger offerings with a greater choice of toppings that will assist you in your efforts of killing youself faster through bad (but delicious) food choices like adding bacon, chili and fried eggs (why not)! Additionally, they have different burger size offerings. Mike and Jon opted for the traditional Fatburger which is just under a ½ pound while the more adventurous Greg and Troy tackled the King Burger that offers an 8oz patty. Although we should mention Mr. Truttmann took his guest reviewer assignment seriously and threw all caution to the wind and ordered his with fried egg and bacon! The cool thing is you can keep going up in size if you want to an XXL burger offering or the 24oz XXXL burger that rivals IN & Out’s 4×4! Too bad we didn’t bring wingnut Caitlyn because they even offer a Boca Burger for the non-meat eating weirdos. All that means nothing really unless the burgers have a worthwhile yum factor, and Fatburger does have a high yum factor! We were very impressed that they offer different bun sizes for the burgers which kept the burger to bun ratio at an optimum. The only weird thing was that the burgers were built upside down with the cheese at the bottom which caused Troy to deeply contemplate the true meaning of proper burger structure and how it affected the taste. As usual, everyone else just ate their burgers and brushed off Troy’s idiotic ramblings. Another pleasant surprise was the fry options. Yes, they have options! You can get either the standard fry type or go for steak fries! Is that awesome or what? And to top it off, they know how to cook both types to perfection. It’s totally crazy! Needless to say the UBR staff was very impressed with the Fatburger offerings, earning them a 3.3 for the burger and full 4.0 on the fries. The burger definitely had the yum factor, but suffered a bit on the structural integrity and presentation scores. Speaking of presentation, this is where Fatburger lacks. The dull, unassuming exterior is equalled only by the drab interior. They did have some old style T.V.’s, but they failed by making us watch Nickelodeon. Yeah, SpongeBob is just what you want to watch while shoving a yummy Fatburger in your pie-hole. It also needs to be mentioned that this location requires the use of tokens to access a very crappy crapper. I suppose they need to lock it so it won’t get crappier? Anyway, the delicious offerings where still enough to overcome these fails and give Fatburger a 3.5 on the overall experience. Our suggestion, go get fat on a yummy Fat Burger!

Fatburger Curbside

Five Guys – San Marcos, CA

Five Guys Burger

Well the long awaited and anticipated review of Five Guys is finally here!

 Five Guys is a chain of burger restaurants that started out in Virginia in 1986.  They franchised in 2003 they have literally exploded across the US to over forty states. Very impressive to most, but not the Ultimate Burger Review staff. In fact, this was our second visit to the new San Marcos location because the first visit was not good and we wanted to give them a second chance. The first time through the doors, it was jam- packed to the point they were just slinging burgers and fries with nary a care for quality. The fries were an under cooked glob of greasy potato mush sticks. To top it off, the ‘order number barker’, who had clearly enjoyed more than his fair share of burgers, had sweat dripping off his nose as he stuffed food into bags for the throngs of starving carnivores. Troy, being nimble and catlike, luckily jumped on a table that opened up while Mike ordered burgers.  That created yet another problem (although not a Five Guys problem) because Meat Sack (aka. Mike) forgot the say, ”Duh, yeah can I have cheese on, duh, that too…duh”! So I got stuck with a cheese-less cheeseburger.  Yeah, not a good experience.

 Fast forward to a few weeks later and this Official UBR Review. For this review we had a special matriarch guest reviewer Mimi Lamson, mother of ‘Meat Sack’ Mike and ‘Meat Stick’ Greg. Our second first impression was the same; the place is still a damn zoo. Five Guys décor is standard ‘fast-food-like’ red and white trim with sacks of un-cut potatoes stacked throughout (which is kind of cool). Also, they have big boxes of shelled peanuts that you can chow on for free. It’s probably to reduce liability by ensuring that nobody starves to death waiting in the long friggin’ line to order a burger. They also have boastful quotations from random print media of how great their food is. By random I mean they have a sign touting that their fries were voted the best in Kaimin, Montana. How hard could that be? Probably the only fries you can get in Kaimin! Anyway, on to the official UBR review. Our burgers arrived in a brown paper sack, wrapped in tin foil…. Okay. The burger is pretty damn good and scored a 3.31 on the UBR scale of yum (and probably should be higher in Greg’s opinion). And the topping choices are really impressive. But the fries pretty much still sucked. The really sucked the first time and still sucked the second time, earning an undercooked 2.9 on the UBR scale. They would have received a much lower score if it wasn’t for the large portion and the fact that their seasoning is good. A menu item that Five Guys lacks though is milkshakes. Come on! You can’t be a classic burger joint without a milkshake offering! So Five Guys received a lackluster 3 for an overall experience score. In the argument on which is better, Five Guys or In & Out,  you’ll find the UBR “Po Po” in the In & Out parking lot.

Five Guys San Marcos

Smash Burger – Del Mar, Ca

Smash Burger

Today we drove the Po Po on down to visit our old friend, and ex-boss man, Chuck. It just so happens that conveniently located by Chuck’s house was a burger joint we wanted to review. So we threw Chuck in the Po Po and headed to Smash Burger in Del Mar. A courtesy mention goes out to Caitlyn… And that’s about it. You see Caitlyn can never (never!) be a guest reviewer since she does not eat meat and this isn’t ‘grilledcheesereview.com’. Tragic, we know. It must have something to do with hitting your head really hard at a young age. But Mike eats meat, so it must be something else. You might notice that Greg is very stiff in the neck in the pictures. His pain couldn’t have been as bad as what the rest of us experienced by having to listen to him whining the whole time. Troy and Mike think it’s a side effect of getting his butt scoped last week. Anyway, Smash burger is a funkified burger joint with a hipster theme. We were pretty skeptical that an artsy burger place could crank out a good burger, but Oh Man!! Friggin’ yum!!! Definitely one of the best burgers we have reviewed and a must tap for any burger lover out there. Every part of the burger scored well in the UBR rating. The fries were excellent as well, but the portion was a bit paltry. The restaurant itself only scored a 3 partly because, we think, something happened to Mike in the bathroom that he can’t seem to talk about.  I think the score could have been bumped up a notch had it been a nicer day so we could have sat streetside on the patio.  Nevertheless, Smash Burger was still able to earn a solid 4 in the overall burger experience. You need to go there right now.

Smash Patio

In-N-Out – San Marcos, CA

Check out the 4x4

Since we took on a national chain with Applebee’s earlier this week, and since so many people have asked, we decided to tap the regional chain of In-N-Out Burger with guest reviewer Phil. Phil is also near “Associate Member” status as this is his second review. If you have ever lived in the Southwest you already know, In-N-Out clearly has one of the best tasting burgers you can find. However, since we rate the overall experience (don’t freak out In-N-Out diehards!) they only received a 3 out of 5. One of the coolest things about In-N-Out is their simple, limited menu offerings. Only the true In-N-Out aficionados know the truth that a secret menu exists. Troy happens to be one of those all-knowing types and since Greg was buying he ordered a “Big Rig” (burger with 18 patties), but had to settle for the “4X4” (four patties with four slices of cheese) since In-N-Out no longer offers a burger with more than four patties. While In-N-Out only scored a 3 on the UBR scale, one should never pass up the opportunity for a Double Double or one of their killer shakes.

Phil and Staff

George Burger – San Marcos, CA

Looks can be deceiving

For this review we visited North County’s iconic George Burger with our guest reviewer Ryan Baldwin. George Burger started in 1976 and has been a popular burger joint ever since. Back in the day, it used to be a cool burger stand type of place.  But then they relocated into a more McRestaurant type of place complete with a drive thru.  This move contributed to at least a one star drop in the atmosphere rating.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t get much better from there.  It’s just an average run-of-the-mill burger experience. And make sure you splurge and get a double.  A decent burger-to-bun ratio wouldn’t be able to save the scrawny single patty offering.  The burger was mostly just boring.  Boring to the point that our guest reviewer, Ryan, noticed that the burger came on real plates. We have never paid attention to such non-sense in past reviews. It even led Troy to suggest that maybe we should have a “green” scale rating (as we stared blankly at our Styrofoam cups thinking about what to write in this review). That was quickly shot to hell from the hypocrite Hybrid driving Mike. And apparently they are proud of their lettuce because there was a grip of it slammed hastily between the structurally inferior buns. The fry killer was a persistent taste of fish. The scary part is George Burger doesn’t offer any fish, which seemed pretty fishy to us. The truly sad part is if you visit their website at www.georgeburgers.com, they don’t even have a burger picture on their home page. They have a picture of a friggin’ Gyro.  That is a total burger fail, my friends! Whether or not they have lost their way, George Burger still offers a decent fast food burger and its long standing iconic status in North County makes it worthwhile if you’re too hungry to make to somewhere better.

Guest Reviewer Ryan and Staff

The Money Pit – Escondido, CA

Upon a recommendation by Mr. Polderman (an unofficial staffer here at UBR), we jumped in the PoPo and headed to Escondido, CA for a visit to The Money Pit. Scoring ‘Rock Star’ parking set the tone for today’s cheeseburger experience. We were greeted with a packed Family Style/Fast Food hybrid atmosphere (although timing is everything and there was no line to speak of). The menu was extensive but easy to decipher (even for Troy). We were pleasantly surprised by the prices. We all agreed that, without a doubt, it’s the best value in North County! Burger, fries and a drink for less than $6. There are no waitresses (which is a potential nail in their coffin), but after ordering, a little man-servant delivered our meals.

Not the greatest presentation (it kind of made you dizzy as you can see above) but hopes were still high. It actually turned out to be a better than average burger (a strong 3) but multiple patties is a must (I believe they go up to 4). And the fries were even better, scoring a solid 4 out of 5. Really the only downside to the whole experience was the noise level. Between the throngs of people yapping and the sound of blenders churning out shakes, we could hardly hear each others mindless drivel. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. Anyway, overall we gave the Money Pit a 3 out of 5. Thanks to Todd Polderman, Derres Catalano and Ryan Leezy for their participation in yet another quest for the Ultimate Cheeseburger.

L & L Hawaiian BBQ – San Marcos, CA

The best words to sum up this experience can be taken from Troy’s review. “Hawaiians don’t know burgers.” It was pretty obvious when not one other patron was eating a burger besides us.

The burger was tiny, the presentation was non-existent, and the atmosphere was fast-foodish. The fries were standard and edible and there was a TV to help take our minds off the food. The highlight of the lunch actually came from something totally unrelated. Our visiting guest (not the guest reviewer) wore his lunch around for the rest of the day after ‘Clarking’ himself. Thanks Wascher. Whoever chose this restaurant (MIKE) should be ashamed. If we ever choose to review Hawaiian BBQ, we’ll give it another shot but as far as a burger review, they score a pathetic 4 out of 10 (and that is generous).